7 Quick Takes - Wandering Style

In an effort to start posting more content more frequently I want to attempt the 7 Quick Takes from the Conversion Diary. So, let's begin!

As my name suggests, I try to be a patient wanderer. I do feel that God has been putting my husband and I to the test in this regard. We are trying to be both patient and willing to where our discernment has been taking us. With a lot of twists, turns, dead ends and lack of a road map, it's been an interesting journey.

Please, please, please, pray for the youth of my parish and the three other parishes who are joining us for the Sacrament of Confirmation this Sunday. Mass will begin at 10:00 AM CST and prayers for these students, sponsors and their families are greatly appreciated.

I have an unhappy car. Lately with strange noises, difficulties with the power steering and a few other hiccups are making having only one vehicle a struggle. It's just been hard.

For those of you who are my Catholic readers, next Wednesday is Ash Wednesday. Although not a Holy Day of Obligation, it is a great way to remember that Lent is a time to be penitential, give alms, and dive deeper into prayer. Ash Wednesday is also a day of Fasting (one full meal and two smaller meals not containing a full meal) and Abstinence from meat. 

I was double checking the rules for Fasting and Abstinence with my friends who are wiser than I. When my non-Catholic friends started asking questions a friend of mine who teaches Theology and blogs over at Truth and Charity sent me this amazing article on the reason that we abstain from meat. Why do Catholics Abstain from Meat?

It's still cold...

I know I grew up in northern Minnesota where negative 50 below days (prior to wind chill) were common, and I still walked to school! My husband's employer has a tally on the white board in the break room counting the number of days this winter we have been below zero. The regional record is 54, we currently sit at 51. Winter is still "here" for another month. I have no doubt that we will hit this record. :(

I am branching out into the unknown territories of hobbies. I have always been an amateur photographer and writer. I want to branch out. I am starting to draw and paint a bit but I want to be able to share that with you. Along with my Catholic commentary please look for more of my passions and hobbies to come out too. Just looks like my wandering is taking me more places and I will be documenting it all here.

On Love and Despair

Last night I had the amazing opportunity to celebrate mass with our priest and our Junior and Senior High Faith Formation classes. We had what is often called a "card table Mass" since we celebrated Mass in our Gymnasium. It was really everything I could have asked for. The students were mostly polite and engaged, good music, awesome message, great student involvement in ministries and of course Jesus was present! At the end of mass where "announcements" would usually go we had a prepared reflection about the wisdom of Solomon.

One of the most famous stories of Solomon's wisdom comes from first Kings Chapter 3 in the Bible, and tells of two women who came to Solomon asking him to solve their problem. The two women lived in the same house, both had given birth to babies within days of each other, and now one of the babies had died. Now both women were claiming that the baby that was still alive was their child. King Solomon asked one of his servants to bring him a sword. When the sword was brought to him he said, "Now, cut the live baby into two pieces and give each woman half."

One woman said, "No, please, my master, do not kill the baby. Give it to this woman." The other woman said, "Yes, cut the baby in two. Then neither of us will have him." King Solomon said, "Give the baby to the first woman because she is the real mother."

God gave wisdom to Solomon to make right decisions. God will give us wisdom and many other gifts if we only ask Him to.

As a child, hearing this story of Solomon always made me think "Wow, what a clever way to solve a problem." I never really had a reason to go back and look at the passage as an adult. (I will admit my Bible reading has been lax lately) As an adult my interpretation of this story is vastly different, rather than Solomon, I focus on the women.

Their babies we know were about the same age, must have been the same gender and still very young. If they were still very young and the one baby had recently died, both mothers still had the opportunity to nurse and care for the baby as if it were their own. Both women love their children but are going through a very traumatic time in their lives.

The first woman is clearly the voice of love. Love is self sacrificial in nature and would rather see the best of the other over fulfilling their needs. She would love her own child to the point of giving him up to see him live. She would also have the opportunity to still watch him grow and celebrate his milestones with him since they would live in the same home.

The second woman shows us the dangers of despair. Under the supposition we made above, their children are still relatively young. She has had the opportunity to see her child alive, hold him, nurse him and love him. Her response of "Yes, cut the baby in two. Then neither of us will have him." is not a response of hate but extreme loss and pain. Pain causes us to do uncharacteristic things. If they have both have been caring for the child as their own, she clearly cares for the child, but pain has blinded her saying, "If I can't have something, neither should anyone else."

The second woman's response is something I fight with often. It could be when a friend announces they are expecting, "Well why haven't we gotten pregnant yet?", when plans seem to always fall through, "It wasn't going to be that fun anyway", or when I'm just in a big blue funk, "If I can't enjoy this, no one can." I hope I'm not the only one who has battled with these thoughts. The important thing is that I don't get bogged down by them.

On Heaven and Earth - Book Review

On Heaven and Earth is a wonderful and enlightening look at what brings people together despite their differences. Jorge Mario Cardinal Bergoglio and Rabbi Abraham Skorka bring to light what cam be accomplished through well thought out discussion and difference of opinion.

The future Pontiff has through his friendship and obvious respect for Rabbi Skorka brings

about an enlightening inter-religious dialogue which is vastly different than what is seen in mainstream media and religions today.

Each chapter is its own unique conversation between Bergoglio and Skorka, allowing readers to take each chapter at a time or to bounce between topics that interest them.  While not usually one to read introductions to books, the independent introductions by Bergoglio and Skorka allow us to know the authors independent of each other and know their individual voices when they are having their conversations.

As a Youth Minister and lay woman, this book first interested me as a chance to learn more on hot topic issues such as Religion, Euthanasia, Same Sex Marriage and Education. This book became more than just a resource but an opportunity to purposefully engage in these topics in my own life.

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for review.

Right Prayer for the Wrong Reasons

I logged back into my blog for the first time in, "forever" and realized it had been three months since I had posted anything. At least for me, it was for good reason.

After my last post in October, I had a chance to go on retreat with a group of awesome women from my parish. It was nice to be away with women I knew in passing and getting back in touch with an old friend from the past. That weekend was also the birthday of our second child to eternal life. For me to even type that shows how profound this retreat was and how much healing I received.

Within 2 weeks of that my mother-in-law's health decreased horribly. My husband and I were able to go home and help take care of her and my father-in-law. She passed away early in December and we stayed for a while to help take care of affairs.

Then came the evil sinus infection which took me out for two weeks, Christmas and New Years.

Since the new year my husband and I have been busy catching up with work and settling back down into a normal routine. Needless to say, over the past few months I have been in a great position to care for myself and family and I was happy to take that on. 

Especially as I was away I had a chance to truly have a chance to pray with those I love for others intentions. Friends, loved ones and local news stories became reasons to pray, even for a brief moment. I have close friends who contact me for different prayer requests. 

There was a recent one that really stuck in my mind. A friend asked for prayers for her sister and brother in law to have a successful implantation of a fetus through  IVF. 

I looked at my phone dumbfounded, I didn't know how I could pray for this intentention. 

I knew there wasn't any great risk to the mother or father but there was a new life in the balance, conceived in a manner outside of the teachings of the church.  Sure, I understand the desire to desperately want a child, but I can't pass judgement on their decision. I just didn't know how to pray for them. 

I am ashamed of myself that the thought of not praying for them crossed my mind. It was the fact that the need to be loving outweighed my desire to be righteous. I looked and looked for some way I could pray for them and it took me putting myself in their position the find it. 

If my husband and I were in the position they were in, there would be some major wounds that would need to be healed, a few financial burdens would need to be lifted and mostly a new soul needs to be protected and guarded. 

Life, precious and fragile, at all stages needs to be hides and protected. This new soul conceived outside of its parents , has no home and no protection. It was truly at the mercy of its elements. Life also begins at conception, regardless of how conception happened. 

This became my prayer, that this little, precious life, conceived in less than perfect circumstances would be healthy and loved all the days of its life.

There are many circumstances and situations in life that are less than ideal. We make mistakes and aren't perfect. God can take our imperfections and do great things with them, if only we let him. 

Being Sensitive to Those With Infertility (Part 3)

Over the past two posts, I have shared the need for awareness among families who are struggling with primary or secondary infertility and my own struggle with infertility. In this one of the graces that I've received is strength and support from my sister in laws. Honestly I'm still getting used to having "siblings" but it's a great blessing. One thing that my sister in law told me was that she was there for me. Although she has great fertility and the sweetest nephews and niece I could ask for, she told me she was glad to know what we were going through. She didn't try to offer advice, she didn't didn't try to tell me "it's God's will" she just let me talk. Below are things that can help those who are dealing with infertility.

1. Know that we are grieving.

Grief is often known as huge or mounting sadness caused by loss. While for those with infertility, they may not have suffered a miscarriage, though many have, they are grieving the loss of their dreams for the "perfect" family. Also just like grieving a loved one there will be strange triggers that may bring back deep feelings of grief.

2. Don't belittle our losses.

One of the hardest things I've ever heard was someone telling me I could always get pregnant again after I had lost my child. While a child who is miscarried may not be "real" to you, that child is very real to a parent who lost them. There are always outside influences that you may not know of that caused this loss and the parents are trying to deal with them.

3. Please listen to what we are saying...

I know for me, talking about infertility can be really hard. When I come to my friends and just need to talk, thes best thing is to know that we are being listened too. We may stumble, cry and laugh in one sentence, but feel comfortable and safe talking to you.

4. ... and don't offer solutions.

Many people know of the options that are open to them being infertile. Adoption may not always be the best option for those who are infertile. The same would be for being foster families or other medical options. It is in the best interest of a couple to find the best option for them rather than finding that an option will not be fruitful if pursued. Also, everyone knows someone who got pregnant after doing (insert topic here). Just because it worked for one person doesn't mean it will happen for the person you are talking to.

5. Don't be afraid to share your joy.

Pregnancy and birth announcements can be understandably hard. Don't be afraid to share your joy. It may be easier to let those who are experiencing infertility know before you make a big public announcement. This will give those dealing with infertility a chance to process their emotions before being present at a large family function or seeing major announcements on 

6. Find community.

For those who are dealing with infertility a welcoming community can help to sort out emotions and feelings regarding infertility. For those readers who are practicing Natural Family Planning there is a Christian forum over at www.livingthesacrament.com with separate boards for men and women. This is a forum for those who use Natural Family Planning or are curious about it. They have great resources for those on any step of the journey: those trying to conceive, avoid pregnancy, work through infertility or miscarriage, during pregnancy and after.

7. Don't think of our friendship as "weird".

It can be difficult to maintain a friendship with those who do not have children after you have given birth. Truly, continue and maintain your friendship. A good friend will realize that though things have changed, a good friendship is worth maintaining.

While this is only a short list of ideas, what would you add to this list?

Dear Mr. Barnes - A photographer's perspective

Dear Mr. Barnes,

Your recent use of cameras and death in your post A Possible Anthropological Origin of the Duckface was quite a stretch for me to read today as a person who also takes joy in photography.

Let me start with my beginnings with a camera and move forward. I caught my first shutterbug when I was 6 and my mom let me take photos during the dolphin show at the Brookfield Zoo on my first family vacation. My mom showed me how to hold the little point and click 35mm film camera and aim it at my unsuspecting swimming mammalian targets. Some how I knew the patience of waiting for the right moment to try to capture the moment of the dolphins flying in mid air, because that’s what subjectively we see.

Moving forward into high school I was the lead photographer and “Senior Editor” of our small school yearbook. I would capture candids of my peers, the thrill of games and the action behind the scenes. I learned what photoshop was, how to manipulate, cut and frame. Photos became more than a snapshot of time but a story unto themselves.

Fast forward to today. I take photos to capture the dichotomy between light and dark, the contrast of colors, joy in my day, and memories I am proud of and choose to share. I never ask my subjects to pose or be different of who they are, generally I’m happy if I can catch them still enough to snap a quick one before running away. I play with sliders to balance and shade. To match the lens of the artificial to my eye and memory. Just with any story passed down from relative to relative, there may be an occasional embellishment but the essence is the same.

A photo is nothing more than a reflection of the captured and the intent that a person chooses to see. I capture photos because there is a stirring in my heart or something I deem to be precious. Sure, their worth is not necessarily known to those that I share my photos with. To share my photos, regardless of the content, is an objective act of myself showing my subjective feelings towards myself and those people and places I’ve encountered

Certainly we have all posed for cameras in our lives. It may be that we want to have more of our subjectivity shown to others or that we are making a choice for our behavior. Anyone who is the subject of a photo should remember that they will be viewed objectively by another person and be reacted to by their subjectivity.

Not posing, finally standing still :)

The duckface is not only an action or pose by the person doing it, but reaction created by the person viewing it. The old adage of “A photo is worth a thousand words” is not the words of the subject but those of the viewer. Even in the most basic of stories, a picture or illustration proves to guide our hearts and minds toward the author’s intent.

Lastly for the topic of death. We as Catholics still treat a person’s corpse with every respect that we should have treated them in life. The reason that the Church still prefers the body present during the funeral rites is that it recalls our loved one’s life and death. If a body is so easily discarded and has no worth after we have died, the Catholic Church would not teach so strongly on the Resurrection of the body and soul.

It is hard to react to death because our selfish tendency wants those we hold closest to never permanently leave us. Our repulsion to corpses is that we have so many human memories wrapped up in the objectivity that this person had. We long for the goodness that was brought into our lives by their objective presence and miss that it will no longer be a constant presence in our lives.

I have watched as my loved ones have planned funerals and find myself in that same boat now. As I am taking care of loved ones and learning their final wishes, I am blessed to have the opportunities to know how lives will be celebrated.

For those who I love who are terminally ill, there is a very thin line between objectivity and subjectivity because we can visibly see the struggle they have in communicating and that struggle shows me more of their spirit and who they are.

When their time has come and I know that they have seen God for who He truly is; back here there will be tears and pictures. These pictures will show us glimpses of who they were and keep their memories alive in our hearts.

Thank you for your perspective and I hope you appreciate mine.

Amanda Castro

My Family and Fertility (Part 2)

Through the responses I have received from my initial post "Families and Infertility", I have decided that this should become a series of posts covering the topic of infertility from my point of view. I cannot write from the point of view of people who have adopted or are currently seeking to adopt. I also cannot write from the perspective of those who have been able to have advanced fertility treatment. However, below is my story.

My name is Amanda, and my husband and I have been married nearly 3 years. We have never used contraception or chosen to use Natural Family Planning as a means to abstain from having children.

My story actually begins when I was a sophomore in college. Our local Catholic student organization had brought in our local Natural Family Planning coordinator to give us the basic information on Natural Family Planning. I knew her outside of NFP because her eldest daughter was 3 years younger and we had attended Diocesan youth functions together. She gave us facts about the process of NFP, the rates of effectiveness, and why the Creighton model worked scientifically. It was funny to watch the guys squirm but it made a lot of sense. It also clarified questions I had about my own body that had never been answered by my mom.

I was in a serious relationship with a guy that I was discerning marriage about so I decided to sign up for the next one on one starter class. That class was great but also made me think about why I was choosing NFP. At that time, it was for my health and I wanted to get off hormonal birth control for my periods for good.

I had been on HBC for a year to "control" my cycles. I was seeing many of the symptoms of a normal cycle before HBC but not during. Something stirred inside my thoughts saying, "that isn't right." So with guidance from my doctor, I stopped taking HBC and tried Creighton. Using Creighton was amazing and I learned so much. I also learned that once you have information, you can't let go of it. Many of the NFP habits I developed then I still maintain now.

However, I kept loosing my stickers my charts, having issues with what I should be marking things as and waiting on others. My charts were a mess, I was a mess, and I was having trouble at school. Since I wasn't engaged yet, I thought it would be prudent to wait to start again until I was engaged.

My reproductive health became a bit scattered again and when I went for my check up the doctor asked for my family history. It wasn't the greatest but I also mentioned everything from my grandmother, paternal aunt and mom. The doctor looked at me like I was broken. He prescribed me HBC again with the warning that if I ever wanted to think about having kids I needed to know two things, one I needed to take HBC until I was ready to get pregnant to save my fertility and I needed to get pregnant by the time I was 28 if I was ever going to have kids. I gave the prescription to my mom and started taking it as recommended.

Going into my Senior year I became very sick. My cycles would shut down, I'd start to get weak and I even passed out in the chapel for no apparent reason. The only thing I could put my finger on was the HBC. This time I didn't even consult a doctor about my medication, I threw out the HBC. I started charting again and meeting with my Creighton mentor. I made another appointment and told a new doctor what had happened and she agreed I shouldn't take HBC but agreed, 28 was the magic deadline for kids.

Fast forward to two years out of college. I had grown lax in my charting but I always knew where I was in my cycle what was going on and things were relatively healthy. I had dumped my long time boyfriend and started dating my now husband. We are both Catholic and wanted to start charting together. This didn't work out, my previous mentor was a mom from the homeschool group he belonged to and the only other teaching couple in the area was one of his professors. Thankfully there are many new smartphone apps and charting programs online to learn and implement. That's what we use still today.

We were married and decided not to abstain but not actively try to conceive either. We had moved for work to an area where there weren't many teaching couples and even fewer NFP friendly doctors. I had been in recently for a large anovulatory cycle and the doctor brushed me off because I wasn't pregnant and I was fat. That's the only reason my body was acting out. No tests, no checking, just get used to it. Somehow the same magic statement of "If you want kids, you better be pregnant by 28" was still there.

Since our marriage we've had two miscarriages. The first we were shocked and excited at the "pregnant" sign on the view window but as I kept testing lines got lighter and lighter. When I called into my doctor, she didn't want to see me but because I was early, I'd be fine passing "it" at home. I was told to treat it like a heavy period. So I did. I was only about 6-8 weeks along but I knew when I had passed her. I was in shock and didn't know what to do. In a blind panic I ended up flushing my little girl down the toilet. It wasn't until a few days later it had sunk in what I had done. I still pray for forgiveness for that every day. Our second is still fresh and I'm not comfortable sharing that story.

Currently I have a wonderful doctor who is willing to work with me and order needed tests for my husband and I. However, right now with our current insurance, we are not able to get the tests we want done. Although this doctor doesn't buy into the magic 'pregnant by 28" it is still a fear that looms on the horizon and that horizon is getting closer. We wait patiently and continue charting. We've placed our children and any others God may give us into his hands because as parents, it's the least we can do.